Last night I had a ton of crazy dreams. One of those dreams was about 10MtM and why I am doing what I am doing. I love gaming and the board game community. There is nothing I want more than to see one of my games being played at a convention or a friendly game store by a group of people. That brings me to this blog, why I work the way I work, and so on.
As you know, over the past few years I have been in the good fight against cancer. Chemo sessions, as you may know, are long and boring. They are time killers that drain you of everything you have and replace all of that with poison. I have had good days with chemo, bad days, and worse. The were days that I blacked out, days where I could no longer take it, and days where I thought that this would be the rest of my life. Playing board and card games with Meghan, my wife, really helped me get through even the worst of days. It was something that saved my sanity and kept my spirits up when I couldn't see an end to all of the treatment, poking, and hospital trips.
Now, this came with two caveats. The first being is all the nurses thought we were strange. There we were, two adults alone in a room playing strange games and laughing hysterically. I guess part of that comes from all the dark jokes we made about the cancer and my lack of good luck, but strange we were. I say this, but all the nurses love(d) us. The second caveat is the lack of space. Those rooms have little room to maneuver when you are hooked up by rubber tubing to a giant, mobile stripper pole. This means that table space is very limited, so limited that most rooms had nothing bigger than a lunch tray.
The lack of playing space really narrowed down our selection of games to play. The chemo, some days more than others, also wore me down to were I could only pay attention to shorter games. We played a lot of roll & write games like Balloons, Rolling Japan, & Rolling America. We also played a lot of micro and mini games. Perplext games Pack O Game was brought along more than once and so were a lot of smaller Asian games like Mini Park. I became a master of Mini Park during chemo.
During the times I was not at the hospital and feeling in a good state of mind I was working on a few games, 10MtM was one of them. These games all shared two common themes, they play at an hour or less and they take up as little space as possible. Space and time became very important to me at chemotherapy. I didn't want to feel sick or tired. Cancer is a horrible situation in many ways, it is all consuming. When I started working on 10MtM and other games, working titles Grave Mistakes and King's Standard, I wanted them to fit within the time and space parameters. I know I am not the only, or last, gamer to go through chemo and I wanted to create games that are not only fun to play on game night, but so someone else in my position could else find an escape while in the hospital.
If I didn't have a wonderful spouse and these few small games to keep me focused on the positive, I don't know where I would be right now.
When browsing board games some of us tend to look past box size and ignore play time markers, which is fine there is a time and a place for every game. For me size and time became so insanely important, these are seemingly minor details that became much more to me. This is my motivation, my drive for these games.
Even now, while I continue chemo treatment, I am working on 10MtM and a new one page tabletop RPG, I am so far calling it God Less. The idea is little table space needed and minimal components required so my games can be something that can be played virtually anywhere and in any situation. My RPG is so far using just a d4, a d6, and a singular page of rules (which will eventually be posted here on my blog).
I felt this was important to get out there, important for me to say.
That is all for right now. I am going to work some more on 10MtM and God Less. Tomorrow I go to chemo and I will be taking my Game Dev notebook with me so I can tinker on these games as well as outline a couple of ideas I have as well.
Cheers,
Phil
Thursday, August 15, 2019
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Game Dev Blog #2
Hello everyone! It has been two weeks since I last posted, sorry. I am not being neglectful, but this has been a hell of a time between doctor appointments, friends visiting from out of town, and other stuff going on in life. So, today I wanted to make a follow up Game Dev blog. It has been on my mind because over the past two weeks, when I have had some alone time I have continued to work on and refine 10 Minutes to Midnight.
I have transitioned into the next stage of game development with 10MtM hitting the prototype phase. This has come with a couple of things that needed to be a reality, cards and the doomsday clock. First I want to talk about the cards. In my game I have two sets of cards, 11 Character cards and 30 Event/Headline cards. Both sets of cards are drastically different in how they play and what they do, so I wanted to give them a dramatic difference in look as well.
I want the Character cards to be tarot sized. Tarot size gives a few benefits and adds flare to the game. The first benefit is that the character art can be larger while not sacrificing room for the printed character ability. Now, I have very little in the way of artistic talent, but as I work on the game it seems more and more that it lends itself and its characters to a political or historical portrait style.
The Character cards are a big part of the game as they allow the players to manipulate the Doomsday clock hand, snatch up WMDs for later scoring, and play off of other characters or player decisions. The tarot size, being larger, I feel helps to convey the importance of what the cards represent. Now we move to the Event/Headline cards. These cards are supposed to represent possible benefits or consequences in the game. First let me address the name. The idea behind them is that they are supposed to be representative of events transpiring in the newspapers of this fictionalized world. I originally called them Event cards because it is straight and to the point, it is a blunt name for what it is a straight and to the point idea. However, a friend of mine pointed out that if these are supposed to represent what may be reported in a newspaper that the term Headline might fit better and add on that sense of dramatics. I tend to agree and have changed their name accordingly. The Headline cards have two functions within the game. The first function is to give the players a decision to make the second function is to travel around the Doomsday clock until they expire. The former function, the decision, is the player on their turn can either use their character ability or take a Headline in play and use its beneficial ability. The Headlines move clockwise around the Doomsday clock starting at 12 then moving to 3, 6, 9, & then finally back to midnight. Once they reach 12 again, the Headline is discarded and its consequence is triggered. So as a player do you use your character ability or do you take a Headline from around the clock? The Headline might not benefit just you. Next was the size. I want the cards to give out the necessary info, no fuss or dramatics, I want them to look almost innocent so maybe players will forget about them until it's too late, like a trap in plain sight. I landed on the mini Euro size of cards, you know like the old Ticket to Ride size. Beside that, the cards need to move around the Doomsday clock, the small size doesn't take up a lot of table room and let's the cards move without getting in the way of play, comfort, or snacks.
I have a hard time formatting cards, I really can't do it by hand. Thanks to the help of the people at the Card and Board Game Designers Guild on Facebook, I was pointed into the direction of Card Creator on Steam. It helped me format my cards, give them the look and layout I wanted while being easy to export to .jpg and .pdf so I can print them off and play.
That brings me to prototyping the Doomsday clock. I want this game to fit in a smaller than normal box, not take up a lot of table space, can be setup and broken down without a lot of fiddly bits or particulars. The clock needed to be a certain size, large enough so the cards can properly move around without being on top of each other, large enough for players to see the minute marks and the hand can properly move, but not so big that it would expand the box size or take up a lot of table space. Going with everything else in the game, Meghan settled on a 6" round. She is much better with that spatial relation reasoning than I am, I originally picked a 4" round and it was really puny. The 6" round works well, it isn't overtly huge while making the time marks easy to read.
Getting to this point, bringing 10MtM to prototype feels amazing. This is how Dr. Victor Von Frankenstein must have felt when his creation was fully built and before he gave it life. I see 10MtM, I see what it is and what it could become. I now need to playtest it and give it life.
That will be all from me today, once again I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to drop a comment.
Cheers,
Phil
I have transitioned into the next stage of game development with 10MtM hitting the prototype phase. This has come with a couple of things that needed to be a reality, cards and the doomsday clock. First I want to talk about the cards. In my game I have two sets of cards, 11 Character cards and 30 Event/Headline cards. Both sets of cards are drastically different in how they play and what they do, so I wanted to give them a dramatic difference in look as well.
I want the Character cards to be tarot sized. Tarot size gives a few benefits and adds flare to the game. The first benefit is that the character art can be larger while not sacrificing room for the printed character ability. Now, I have very little in the way of artistic talent, but as I work on the game it seems more and more that it lends itself and its characters to a political or historical portrait style.
 |
| The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries by Jacques-Louis David |
The Character cards are a big part of the game as they allow the players to manipulate the Doomsday clock hand, snatch up WMDs for later scoring, and play off of other characters or player decisions. The tarot size, being larger, I feel helps to convey the importance of what the cards represent. Now we move to the Event/Headline cards. These cards are supposed to represent possible benefits or consequences in the game. First let me address the name. The idea behind them is that they are supposed to be representative of events transpiring in the newspapers of this fictionalized world. I originally called them Event cards because it is straight and to the point, it is a blunt name for what it is a straight and to the point idea. However, a friend of mine pointed out that if these are supposed to represent what may be reported in a newspaper that the term Headline might fit better and add on that sense of dramatics. I tend to agree and have changed their name accordingly. The Headline cards have two functions within the game. The first function is to give the players a decision to make the second function is to travel around the Doomsday clock until they expire. The former function, the decision, is the player on their turn can either use their character ability or take a Headline in play and use its beneficial ability. The Headlines move clockwise around the Doomsday clock starting at 12 then moving to 3, 6, 9, & then finally back to midnight. Once they reach 12 again, the Headline is discarded and its consequence is triggered. So as a player do you use your character ability or do you take a Headline from around the clock? The Headline might not benefit just you. Next was the size. I want the cards to give out the necessary info, no fuss or dramatics, I want them to look almost innocent so maybe players will forget about them until it's too late, like a trap in plain sight. I landed on the mini Euro size of cards, you know like the old Ticket to Ride size. Beside that, the cards need to move around the Doomsday clock, the small size doesn't take up a lot of table room and let's the cards move without getting in the way of play, comfort, or snacks.
I have a hard time formatting cards, I really can't do it by hand. Thanks to the help of the people at the Card and Board Game Designers Guild on Facebook, I was pointed into the direction of Card Creator on Steam. It helped me format my cards, give them the look and layout I wanted while being easy to export to .jpg and .pdf so I can print them off and play.
That brings me to prototyping the Doomsday clock. I want this game to fit in a smaller than normal box, not take up a lot of table space, can be setup and broken down without a lot of fiddly bits or particulars. The clock needed to be a certain size, large enough so the cards can properly move around without being on top of each other, large enough for players to see the minute marks and the hand can properly move, but not so big that it would expand the box size or take up a lot of table space. Going with everything else in the game, Meghan settled on a 6" round. She is much better with that spatial relation reasoning than I am, I originally picked a 4" round and it was really puny. The 6" round works well, it isn't overtly huge while making the time marks easy to read.
Getting to this point, bringing 10MtM to prototype feels amazing. This is how Dr. Victor Von Frankenstein must have felt when his creation was fully built and before he gave it life. I see 10MtM, I see what it is and what it could become. I now need to playtest it and give it life.
That will be all from me today, once again I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to drop a comment.
Cheers,
Phil
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Know When to Hold'em, Know When to Fold'em, Know When to Walk Away
This has been a tough week. Lots of early mornings, little sleep, and a very stressful day at the hospital. Last Friday was my newest CT Scan. This was to see if any new cancerous nodes popped up or if I am still in remission. We were at the hospital for hours doing scans, tests, and another infusion. After such a long day, it is good to report that I am indeed still in remission. Nothing new cropped up, no new threats. It is now just staying the course. In light of this, my family decided they wanted to visit the all new casino near us and try the buffet for lunch. We went too, of course, and well. I guess here is my review of the buffet and the new Encore Casino in Everett.
First let me preface this by saying no one in my family is really big on gambling. I usually play around $20 and that is my limit. I don't particularly enjoy it and find the whole atmosphere of casinos depressing.
So here we go, let's do this. While pulling up to the Encore, the building itself is an eyesore dwarfing everything around it. By eyesore, I mean it is very much out of place where it is, while architecturally it is an appealing structure.
The first issue I have with the Encore is the parking situation. They do not permit employees to park on property and shuttle them in. This isn't because of lack of space, but so they can maximize parking profits. Disney does the same thing, so I cannot really begrudge them this point. However, the area is so congested that shuttling for employees must be a pain. I have seen their shuttle buses and they always look cramped and overcrowded.
Now let's get to the lobby. My assessment of the lobby and casino floor are pretty much the same. The whole space is gaudy. It is a monument to grotesque opulence. The flower sculpture at the entrance was very beautiful, but everything else was like someone wished this structure into being by using the Lament Configuration.
Now, I am a big believer in the concept of knowing your audience. The Encore misses the mark here. It is an edifice of near hedonistic decadence while resting in the center of an industrial park in a town that is very much middle of the road blue collar. There is a direct disconnect from what it is, what it wants, and the local community.
A great example of this is the first restaurant you come across when you enter the casino, Sinatra's. At first glance, Sinatra's offers a comfortable, upscale Italian experience. At second glance, you realize that the area the hotel is in is surrounded by tons of Italian restaurants and a stones throw from the famous North End. Then you realize the prices at Sinatra's. A veal parm, one of the most pedestrian Italian-American dishes, is a $60 endeavor. $60 for something you can literally get anywhere for half that price or less with equal or better quality. The idea here is you are paying for the Sinatra name and the status of being seated in such an establishment. Let me quickly move on to gaming before I burst into a rant about Italian food, peasantry, and tradition.
I am not a gambler, but at a casino I do enjoy playing at least a hand of blackjack and a spin or two at the roulette table. I could not indulge those whims at the Encore. Every table, every single table, is a $25 minimum bet. This is unheard of, even the best Las Vegas casinos have some $5 minimum tables. I ended up settling down at a video poker machine, my only real gambling at any casino, and slotted a $20. I gambled for awhile, at a quarter a hand and ended up winning $15. Once I was up I cashed out and sat with my wife at the Dunkin' Donuts where she was reading. She doesn't gamble at all and hated being there.
Eventually it was lunch time and we all headed over to The Buffet, the name of the buffet restaurant. It was $30 a person for 2 hours worth of being able to eat as much as you care from the assortment of foods. The buffet had lots of stuff, very varied cuisine and all of it was edible. Some things were better than others, such as the prime rib was cooked nicely and seasoned well, while the fried chicken had a soggy, flavorless coating. The seating was very comfortable and our waitress was very attentive with drinks. For $30 a person, we all got our monies worth of food and dessert was an absolute triumph, the almond cakes are heavenly. That being said, I have been to better buffets and restaurants, but I have also been to much worse. It was middle of the road and for the price it was fine.
That was the extent of my experience at the Encore. With what I have seen and done, I know I will never go back over there. I rather would have gone to Night Shift Brewery, essentially right next to the Encore, had a good afternoon of craft beer tasting and took a Lyft home. That is more my idea of fun.
Now, I want to say this. The Encore embodies everything I hate. It isn't a place meant for the average person, it is a gilded trap. The Encore is essentially like a Free-to-Play mobile game. It looks alright on the surface, nothing insidious to see, but then you notice that if you want to progress you need to buy into the microtransactions. The Encore, like all Free-to-Play games, doesn't care about the average person or player, they are looking to land a Whale, one person where money means nothing and they will continue to throw cash down without a second thought. They exclusively want high rollers and will alienate others to get that status and bank roll. Know your audience, Encore, cater to the community.
One last thing, there is a class action suit against the Encore already and it just opened not too long ago. It is, from what I understand, concerning two things. The first concern is that the payouts and odds at the Blackjack table are skewed toward the favor of the house and greatly differ from the standards setup by the State Gaming Commission. The payouts change based on the stakes the player is playing at. I do not know much about this, so I will end this here. The second concern is the Cash Out machines do not pay the player their change. If you cash out at $35.80, the machine will give you $35 in cash and the .80 cents on a separate ticket, not in actual change. The ticket can be used in any machine, but if you do not actually gamble it away then the house keeps your change, whether it was yours to begin with or if you won it. While there we were left with a ticket for .11 cents. We couldn't gamble this amount of change because even the penny slot machines have a .40 cent minimum bid. Now, overall .11 cents doesn't mean everything, but if they are collecting this much or more from every player that can add up to a big chunk of revenue they essentially stole. With both concerns raised in the class action suit, it is estimated that the Encore would stand to gain an extra $30 million+ a year from theft and gaming manipulation. The Boston Globe & Lowell Sun explain the suit better than I can.
As for now I am off again, my back hurts and my neuropathy is extremely bad today.
Cheers,
Phil
First let me preface this by saying no one in my family is really big on gambling. I usually play around $20 and that is my limit. I don't particularly enjoy it and find the whole atmosphere of casinos depressing.
So here we go, let's do this. While pulling up to the Encore, the building itself is an eyesore dwarfing everything around it. By eyesore, I mean it is very much out of place where it is, while architecturally it is an appealing structure.
 |
| Front & Center |
Now let's get to the lobby. My assessment of the lobby and casino floor are pretty much the same. The whole space is gaudy. It is a monument to grotesque opulence. The flower sculpture at the entrance was very beautiful, but everything else was like someone wished this structure into being by using the Lament Configuration.
 |
| We Have Such Sights to Show You. |
Now, I am a big believer in the concept of knowing your audience. The Encore misses the mark here. It is an edifice of near hedonistic decadence while resting in the center of an industrial park in a town that is very much middle of the road blue collar. There is a direct disconnect from what it is, what it wants, and the local community.
A great example of this is the first restaurant you come across when you enter the casino, Sinatra's. At first glance, Sinatra's offers a comfortable, upscale Italian experience. At second glance, you realize that the area the hotel is in is surrounded by tons of Italian restaurants and a stones throw from the famous North End. Then you realize the prices at Sinatra's. A veal parm, one of the most pedestrian Italian-American dishes, is a $60 endeavor. $60 for something you can literally get anywhere for half that price or less with equal or better quality. The idea here is you are paying for the Sinatra name and the status of being seated in such an establishment. Let me quickly move on to gaming before I burst into a rant about Italian food, peasantry, and tradition.
I am not a gambler, but at a casino I do enjoy playing at least a hand of blackjack and a spin or two at the roulette table. I could not indulge those whims at the Encore. Every table, every single table, is a $25 minimum bet. This is unheard of, even the best Las Vegas casinos have some $5 minimum tables. I ended up settling down at a video poker machine, my only real gambling at any casino, and slotted a $20. I gambled for awhile, at a quarter a hand and ended up winning $15. Once I was up I cashed out and sat with my wife at the Dunkin' Donuts where she was reading. She doesn't gamble at all and hated being there.
Eventually it was lunch time and we all headed over to The Buffet, the name of the buffet restaurant. It was $30 a person for 2 hours worth of being able to eat as much as you care from the assortment of foods. The buffet had lots of stuff, very varied cuisine and all of it was edible. Some things were better than others, such as the prime rib was cooked nicely and seasoned well, while the fried chicken had a soggy, flavorless coating. The seating was very comfortable and our waitress was very attentive with drinks. For $30 a person, we all got our monies worth of food and dessert was an absolute triumph, the almond cakes are heavenly. That being said, I have been to better buffets and restaurants, but I have also been to much worse. It was middle of the road and for the price it was fine.
That was the extent of my experience at the Encore. With what I have seen and done, I know I will never go back over there. I rather would have gone to Night Shift Brewery, essentially right next to the Encore, had a good afternoon of craft beer tasting and took a Lyft home. That is more my idea of fun.
Now, I want to say this. The Encore embodies everything I hate. It isn't a place meant for the average person, it is a gilded trap. The Encore is essentially like a Free-to-Play mobile game. It looks alright on the surface, nothing insidious to see, but then you notice that if you want to progress you need to buy into the microtransactions. The Encore, like all Free-to-Play games, doesn't care about the average person or player, they are looking to land a Whale, one person where money means nothing and they will continue to throw cash down without a second thought. They exclusively want high rollers and will alienate others to get that status and bank roll. Know your audience, Encore, cater to the community.
One last thing, there is a class action suit against the Encore already and it just opened not too long ago. It is, from what I understand, concerning two things. The first concern is that the payouts and odds at the Blackjack table are skewed toward the favor of the house and greatly differ from the standards setup by the State Gaming Commission. The payouts change based on the stakes the player is playing at. I do not know much about this, so I will end this here. The second concern is the Cash Out machines do not pay the player their change. If you cash out at $35.80, the machine will give you $35 in cash and the .80 cents on a separate ticket, not in actual change. The ticket can be used in any machine, but if you do not actually gamble it away then the house keeps your change, whether it was yours to begin with or if you won it. While there we were left with a ticket for .11 cents. We couldn't gamble this amount of change because even the penny slot machines have a .40 cent minimum bid. Now, overall .11 cents doesn't mean everything, but if they are collecting this much or more from every player that can add up to a big chunk of revenue they essentially stole. With both concerns raised in the class action suit, it is estimated that the Encore would stand to gain an extra $30 million+ a year from theft and gaming manipulation. The Boston Globe & Lowell Sun explain the suit better than I can.
As for now I am off again, my back hurts and my neuropathy is extremely bad today.
Cheers,
Phil
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
They Look Like Big, Good, Strong Hands, Don't They?
When I started blogging again I wanted to keep a regular schedule, a post every couple of days. I already broke that idea this weekend. It was so hot I couldn't sit here and I blog. I just lived by inside the pool trying to keep cool in the heat. While I was trying not to burst into flames, I had a lot of ideas for topics and things I want to talk about. Now that I sit here I have had a hard time putting my feelings to words. I will eventually get to everything I wanted to speak of, but today...today I feel down. And, well, I know it is stupid. There are things much worse happening in the world, there are things far worse happening to others. It is just, at times like this I feel broken.
I love gaming. Gaming, both board and video, is one of my great passions. Figuring out strategies, trying to get the fastest completion time, handling the pieces, everything about gaming is something special, something I deeply enjoy. Over the past couple of years that joy has been minimized. I still enjoy gaming, don't get me wrong, but some days make me want to cry.
When I started my chemotherapy I quickly developed the side effect of Chemotherapy Induced Peripheral Neuropathy (CIPN). The CIPN has taken root in both of my feet and hands while mostly affecting soles, toes, palms, and fingers. What does this actually mean though, CIPN is a type of nerve damage that kills off the nerve endings in certain parts of the body, most commonly the feet and hands. In my case my feet and hands have a constant dull pain, a tingling sensation similar to that pins and needles feeling, and areas of numbness. I have a hard time picking up small objects, such as my daily pills, have troubles holding on to smooth items like silverware and pens, and I have balance issues when I walk. I haven't driven my car in almost 4 years because of the neuropathy. I cannot feel the pedals and I am afraid I am too dangerous to be trusted on the open road.
There are days where it is all I can think about and I get angry and filled with sorrow. There are also days where I just deal with it. It has been on my mind recently as I have been playing a lot of Mario Maker 2 and watching a lot of pro gamers and streamers like Game Grumps, Zero, & Dark Wizzy playing Mario Maker 2 and Smash Bros Ultimate. My hands don't work like they should, they don't react the way I think they should. Even now as I type this post my fingers are hitting buttons they shouldn't be or my touch is so light that letters that should appear do not. I have to go over with my typing with a fine toothed comb as I have a hard time feeling the keys and sometimes I press too lightly because I can't feel the bump of the key or I hit keys I don't mean to because my fingers roll off one key to land on a nearby one.
I think of this often as I game or want to game because it is the same way. The numbness, the lack of dexterity, the stiffness, and pain causes me to drop and knock over pieces and boards. It cause me to not hit jumps properly or screw up tilts and smashes. I always wanted to play games professionally or at least be a competent streamer. I can't do that. I can barely play games alone or with loved ones because I keep on having issues.
There is no coming to terms with what happened to me. I will be on nerve pills for the rest of my life, whether they actually help or not. I will have this problem until the day I die. I am also still going through chemo treatments, I only have a handful left, but each treatment means that the CIPN could become worse.
I write this now, because I have been playing games today and my hands hurt and the tingling is driving me nuts. I want to cry, I want my hands to go back to what they used to be. Now, a small side story, growing up I used to watch The Neverending Story a lot. Every time I was home sick The Neverending Story would go on and I would be glued to it. I always identified with the Rock Biter.
At the end of the movie, where he talks of his hands and losing everything he loved, I cry every time. He tried to hold on to his friends, but the Nothing sucked them right up. It is really all I think about every time I drop something, my fear of driving, every time I knock something over, or fail to do something so mundane as typing without issue.
That is it for today. I think I am going to go watch The Neverending Story and sit with my thoughts.
Cheers,
Phil
I love gaming. Gaming, both board and video, is one of my great passions. Figuring out strategies, trying to get the fastest completion time, handling the pieces, everything about gaming is something special, something I deeply enjoy. Over the past couple of years that joy has been minimized. I still enjoy gaming, don't get me wrong, but some days make me want to cry.
When I started my chemotherapy I quickly developed the side effect of Chemotherapy Induced Peripheral Neuropathy (CIPN). The CIPN has taken root in both of my feet and hands while mostly affecting soles, toes, palms, and fingers. What does this actually mean though, CIPN is a type of nerve damage that kills off the nerve endings in certain parts of the body, most commonly the feet and hands. In my case my feet and hands have a constant dull pain, a tingling sensation similar to that pins and needles feeling, and areas of numbness. I have a hard time picking up small objects, such as my daily pills, have troubles holding on to smooth items like silverware and pens, and I have balance issues when I walk. I haven't driven my car in almost 4 years because of the neuropathy. I cannot feel the pedals and I am afraid I am too dangerous to be trusted on the open road.
There are days where it is all I can think about and I get angry and filled with sorrow. There are also days where I just deal with it. It has been on my mind recently as I have been playing a lot of Mario Maker 2 and watching a lot of pro gamers and streamers like Game Grumps, Zero, & Dark Wizzy playing Mario Maker 2 and Smash Bros Ultimate. My hands don't work like they should, they don't react the way I think they should. Even now as I type this post my fingers are hitting buttons they shouldn't be or my touch is so light that letters that should appear do not. I have to go over with my typing with a fine toothed comb as I have a hard time feeling the keys and sometimes I press too lightly because I can't feel the bump of the key or I hit keys I don't mean to because my fingers roll off one key to land on a nearby one.
I think of this often as I game or want to game because it is the same way. The numbness, the lack of dexterity, the stiffness, and pain causes me to drop and knock over pieces and boards. It cause me to not hit jumps properly or screw up tilts and smashes. I always wanted to play games professionally or at least be a competent streamer. I can't do that. I can barely play games alone or with loved ones because I keep on having issues.
There is no coming to terms with what happened to me. I will be on nerve pills for the rest of my life, whether they actually help or not. I will have this problem until the day I die. I am also still going through chemo treatments, I only have a handful left, but each treatment means that the CIPN could become worse.
I write this now, because I have been playing games today and my hands hurt and the tingling is driving me nuts. I want to cry, I want my hands to go back to what they used to be. Now, a small side story, growing up I used to watch The Neverending Story a lot. Every time I was home sick The Neverending Story would go on and I would be glued to it. I always identified with the Rock Biter.
 |
| I just couldn't hold on. |
That is it for today. I think I am going to go watch The Neverending Story and sit with my thoughts.
Cheers,
Phil
Thursday, July 18, 2019
Game Dev Blog #1
Hello everyone!
Today I am going to change gears and start talking about one of my passions, board game design. For a few years now I have been working on several different games and one of them is finally shaping into something presentable and workable. It has been boiling in my brain for a good chunk of time and now I think I am ready to really show it to the world. This is a bit out of my element, a dev blog, i don't know where to really begin or how to show you my process. I guess I am just going to jump right into it.
So it all started with a simple idea, the Doomsday Clock. It is something I have always been fascinated with. It is an ever ticking timeline of human error and achievement. A true to life march toward our possible doom. Besides this morbid fixation, a few years ago our world was turned upside-down. As the clock ticked down to 2 and a half minutes to midnight between 2016-2017, the slow shuffle toward inevitable disaster became a harsh reality. In light of that I felt the need to make this game. It is a tongue-in-cheek take on the current political climate and situation we find ourselves in. I have named the game, lovingly, 10 Minutes to Midnight. Obviously I was a little more generous with time than we presently have.
10 Minutes to Midnight, 10MtM from here on, grew out of a game design contest I participated in a long time ago. The contest, I don't remember which publisher held it, was to design a game using no more than 60 cards. I labored over a game called Buried Greed. Buried Greed was a small set collection game about finding ancient treasures for fame and fortune. It fell flat, but I will return to it at some point. From there 10MtM was born from the feedback I received, not from the dev competition, but from publishers I showed at Gen Con. 10MtM became the game I wanted Buried Greed to be, but the Doomsday Clock theme is something I was way more passionate about.
10MtM is a power struggle between the players to be the most secure and the last ones standing when the clock strikes midnight and doom comes knocking. To bring this theme to life I wanted to use elements that felt shady, underhanded, and tactical. So it began with semi-hidden roles and asymmetrical player powers. Players will use those powers combined with global Events to amass a hoard of WMDs before the Doomsday Clock ticks down to midnight.
The idea is this. Every round players are dealt a character card. The cards each have a name, number (10 through 0), and a power. Starting at 10, there is a countdown to 0. When a player's number is called they reveal their character and take their turn. I find this exciting because every round will have a different combination of powers and a mystery element. Some characters will manipulate the Events being played, some will manipulate score (amount of WMDs a player has), some will protect or deflect the other characters from being effective. This was the main elements I wanted to include in 10MtM. It makes every game, every round feel fresh and it makes it harder to build a perfect strategy for subsequent turns and future games.
The player characters and powers are what, I feel, really sets it apart from Buried Greed and other designs I was working on. Besides that, the characters seem to make the game feel more than just a filler. I set out originally to make a quick 15-30 minute filler game, one that can be played between games or while waiting for the whole squad to show up. I also wanted it to be one that you could play maybe two or three times in a row on game night before playing the main event, something that will stick with people. I believe the variety of powers and characters allow for that, but that is something only time and diligent playtesting can accurately say.
The other thing is I found making the characters and events extremely hard. I wanted them to reflect current events without being in your face political. I had to abstract them a bit from what I originally had. However, I still decided to keep the event Fake News, but had to relabel one of the characters as Despot. I mean that could be anyone.
So Why now? I am working more on the game now for two big reasons. The first being how screwed up our global political outlook currently is. I mean look at all that is happening in the world and with global warming, the time is right to start talking about the Doomsday Clock. The second reason is a personal fault. I lost all of my notes on 10MtM, everything is gone. I have spent weeks working from memory to make 10MtM what it is now and, personally speaking, I think it is better than ever.
On that note, I am going to end this first dev entry. Want to know more about 10MtM, let me know and keep an eye on future dev blog entries. Next dev entry I will discuss the Doomsday Clock and Event cards.
Cheers,
Phil
Today I am going to change gears and start talking about one of my passions, board game design. For a few years now I have been working on several different games and one of them is finally shaping into something presentable and workable. It has been boiling in my brain for a good chunk of time and now I think I am ready to really show it to the world. This is a bit out of my element, a dev blog, i don't know where to really begin or how to show you my process. I guess I am just going to jump right into it.
So it all started with a simple idea, the Doomsday Clock. It is something I have always been fascinated with. It is an ever ticking timeline of human error and achievement. A true to life march toward our possible doom. Besides this morbid fixation, a few years ago our world was turned upside-down. As the clock ticked down to 2 and a half minutes to midnight between 2016-2017, the slow shuffle toward inevitable disaster became a harsh reality. In light of that I felt the need to make this game. It is a tongue-in-cheek take on the current political climate and situation we find ourselves in. I have named the game, lovingly, 10 Minutes to Midnight. Obviously I was a little more generous with time than we presently have.
10 Minutes to Midnight, 10MtM from here on, grew out of a game design contest I participated in a long time ago. The contest, I don't remember which publisher held it, was to design a game using no more than 60 cards. I labored over a game called Buried Greed. Buried Greed was a small set collection game about finding ancient treasures for fame and fortune. It fell flat, but I will return to it at some point. From there 10MtM was born from the feedback I received, not from the dev competition, but from publishers I showed at Gen Con. 10MtM became the game I wanted Buried Greed to be, but the Doomsday Clock theme is something I was way more passionate about.
10MtM is a power struggle between the players to be the most secure and the last ones standing when the clock strikes midnight and doom comes knocking. To bring this theme to life I wanted to use elements that felt shady, underhanded, and tactical. So it began with semi-hidden roles and asymmetrical player powers. Players will use those powers combined with global Events to amass a hoard of WMDs before the Doomsday Clock ticks down to midnight.
The idea is this. Every round players are dealt a character card. The cards each have a name, number (10 through 0), and a power. Starting at 10, there is a countdown to 0. When a player's number is called they reveal their character and take their turn. I find this exciting because every round will have a different combination of powers and a mystery element. Some characters will manipulate the Events being played, some will manipulate score (amount of WMDs a player has), some will protect or deflect the other characters from being effective. This was the main elements I wanted to include in 10MtM. It makes every game, every round feel fresh and it makes it harder to build a perfect strategy for subsequent turns and future games.
The player characters and powers are what, I feel, really sets it apart from Buried Greed and other designs I was working on. Besides that, the characters seem to make the game feel more than just a filler. I set out originally to make a quick 15-30 minute filler game, one that can be played between games or while waiting for the whole squad to show up. I also wanted it to be one that you could play maybe two or three times in a row on game night before playing the main event, something that will stick with people. I believe the variety of powers and characters allow for that, but that is something only time and diligent playtesting can accurately say.
The other thing is I found making the characters and events extremely hard. I wanted them to reflect current events without being in your face political. I had to abstract them a bit from what I originally had. However, I still decided to keep the event Fake News, but had to relabel one of the characters as Despot. I mean that could be anyone.
So Why now? I am working more on the game now for two big reasons. The first being how screwed up our global political outlook currently is. I mean look at all that is happening in the world and with global warming, the time is right to start talking about the Doomsday Clock. The second reason is a personal fault. I lost all of my notes on 10MtM, everything is gone. I have spent weeks working from memory to make 10MtM what it is now and, personally speaking, I think it is better than ever.
On that note, I am going to end this first dev entry. Want to know more about 10MtM, let me know and keep an eye on future dev blog entries. Next dev entry I will discuss the Doomsday Clock and Event cards.
Cheers,
Phil
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Fear is the Mind Killer
Fear is a big motivator in our world. Fear comes in many forms from many different places. It even comes in the flavors of rational and irrational. There is a lot to be said on the subject of fear and how it grips each individual, it is almost sickening how much sway it holds over our lives. The feeling is personal and works its way deep inside us, breaking us down, making us second guess our own decisions. Fear is the mind killer and it has expertly weaponized by those willing to harm and dehumanize others.
I write this entry now out of fear. I originally had something different lined up, but I am afraid on how it will make others look at me. That is the kind of death we all suffer, the fear of being who we really are, the fear of letting slip the mask and revealing ourselves to those we love, those we hold in high regard. It is that kind of death that comes for us on a daily basis. Who we are, what we believe, how we feel, who we love, and how we identify are under attack. A lot of that can be construed as intangibles, something we cannot see or touch and, therefore, is up to debate. However, there are our brothers and sisters out there that live in fear because of their cultural heritage, their place of origin, the color of their skin. We should all be celebrated for our differences, celebrated and embraced as part of humanity. Equality and equity, when everyone has what they need to succeed and thrive in society.
Maybe I am not the right person to make this speech or talk about fear, but I see its stranglehold and feel its effects. We need to let people be themselves, show us who they really are, and embrace them. We must come together, stand as one, without judgment without fear. In today's political hellscape there has been a clear line drawn, it is us versus them. The government with all its blatant hate, fear mongering, racism, trans and homo phobias, xenophobia, misogyny, and rape culture has thrown down the gauntlet against us.
They have given voice and rise to these cockroaches. Yes, they have always existed in our society and have wanted the rest of us silenced, but these insects kept to dark corners and avoided blinding exposure. The Tyrant-in-Chief has validated them, has given them a place amongst us, has called them good people. They wield fear as if it were a sword and they drape themselves in ignorance like a suit of armor. They have started a crusade of fear against us, dehumanizing and caging those they hate.
I had to walk away from the computer for a little bit to calm down. I lost my train of thought as well. I originally started this entry as a way to say "Hey, we need to stop living in fear and be able to show our true selves." However, in doing so, I had to talk about the oppressors and the ignorant. We do not need to listen to them, we do not need to give their voices a platform, we should show them that they are not welcome in our society.
We need to be tolerant and open to tolerance while closing off all avenues to the intolerant. Their feelings of hate and way of thinking can only harm us and bring us back into the dark ages.
Once again let me reiterate some things:
1) Fear is the Mind Killer
1a) Holding on to this fear can only hurt you
2) We need to strive to be our true and best selves
3) We need to stand together, united, for equal rights and equity
4) Intolerance, ignorance, and hate of all kinds is not to be tolerated
4a) NO EXCEPTIONS
I have worked myself up into a bit of a froth. So on that note I will leave you with these quotes
"Hatred is corrosive of a person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to freedom and democracy." - Liu Xiaobo
"Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others." - John F. Kennedy
Thank you all for reading.
Cheers,
Phil
I write this entry now out of fear. I originally had something different lined up, but I am afraid on how it will make others look at me. That is the kind of death we all suffer, the fear of being who we really are, the fear of letting slip the mask and revealing ourselves to those we love, those we hold in high regard. It is that kind of death that comes for us on a daily basis. Who we are, what we believe, how we feel, who we love, and how we identify are under attack. A lot of that can be construed as intangibles, something we cannot see or touch and, therefore, is up to debate. However, there are our brothers and sisters out there that live in fear because of their cultural heritage, their place of origin, the color of their skin. We should all be celebrated for our differences, celebrated and embraced as part of humanity. Equality and equity, when everyone has what they need to succeed and thrive in society.
Maybe I am not the right person to make this speech or talk about fear, but I see its stranglehold and feel its effects. We need to let people be themselves, show us who they really are, and embrace them. We must come together, stand as one, without judgment without fear. In today's political hellscape there has been a clear line drawn, it is us versus them. The government with all its blatant hate, fear mongering, racism, trans and homo phobias, xenophobia, misogyny, and rape culture has thrown down the gauntlet against us.
They have given voice and rise to these cockroaches. Yes, they have always existed in our society and have wanted the rest of us silenced, but these insects kept to dark corners and avoided blinding exposure. The Tyrant-in-Chief has validated them, has given them a place amongst us, has called them good people. They wield fear as if it were a sword and they drape themselves in ignorance like a suit of armor. They have started a crusade of fear against us, dehumanizing and caging those they hate.
I had to walk away from the computer for a little bit to calm down. I lost my train of thought as well. I originally started this entry as a way to say "Hey, we need to stop living in fear and be able to show our true selves." However, in doing so, I had to talk about the oppressors and the ignorant. We do not need to listen to them, we do not need to give their voices a platform, we should show them that they are not welcome in our society.
We need to be tolerant and open to tolerance while closing off all avenues to the intolerant. Their feelings of hate and way of thinking can only harm us and bring us back into the dark ages.
Once again let me reiterate some things:
1) Fear is the Mind Killer
1a) Holding on to this fear can only hurt you
2) We need to strive to be our true and best selves
3) We need to stand together, united, for equal rights and equity
4) Intolerance, ignorance, and hate of all kinds is not to be tolerated
4a) NO EXCEPTIONS
I have worked myself up into a bit of a froth. So on that note I will leave you with these quotes
"Hatred is corrosive of a person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to freedom and democracy." - Liu Xiaobo
"Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others." - John F. Kennedy
Thank you all for reading.
Cheers,
Phil
Hatred is corrosive of a
person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a
nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a
society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to
freedom and democracy.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/liu_xiaobo_510284?src=t_tolerance
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/liu_xiaobo_510284?src=t_tolerance
Hatred is corrosive of a
person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a
nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a
society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to
freedom and democracy.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/liu_xiaobo_510284?src=t_tolerance
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/liu_xiaobo_510284?src=t_tolerance
Hatred is corrosive of a
person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a
nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a
society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to
freedom and democracy.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/tolerance
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/tolerance
Hatred is corrosive of a
person's wisdom and conscience; the mentality of enmity can poison a
nation's spirit, instigate brutal life and death struggles, destroy a
society's tolerance and humanity, and block a nation's progress to
freedom and democracy.
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/tolerance
Read more at https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/tolerance
Sunday, July 14, 2019
The Making of a Good Compilation Tape is a Very Subtle Art
Today I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts. I have spent hundreds of days this way and I suspect that there are hundreds more to come. I thought of what it means to be alone versus being lonely, a subject I will tackle on a different day, as well as the topic of death. Death and I have had a strange relationship of the years. It is something I have never really feared, rather a concept a have slowly been preparing for. Now, preparing is a strong word, what I mean by that is I put a lot of thought into how I want to go, my burial, funeral ceremony and rites, etc.
A lot of those thoughts are childish fun or overly romanticized fantasy. Such as, in a nearby cemetery there is a hollow tree stump. When you look down upon the stump you can see a good ways down into the earth like an open shaft. I often joke that when I die, I want my bones cleaned and bleached to be placed into this hole. I want to be positioned in a way that looks like I am crawling out of the ground, mouth open hungry for flesh. There will also be LED lights inside the hole to complete the atmosphere.
At one point in time I used to fantasize about my life. Traveling the world, never settling down or meeting anyone. Eventually my life of leisure would lead me to become deathly ill. I would spend my last days in Venice with a dark haired prostitute. My last day, I would cough my last consumptive breath into a handkerchief while sitting with her at a marble fountain. She would give me a last kiss on my cheek and I would die in her arms.
Now, I bring all this up because I have been thinking about the movie High Fidelity, one of my favorite films. Now there is a scene where the characters are talking about music and death. First they come up with list, Top 5 Songs About Death. Eventually this turns into Rob's, John Cusack, 5 songs he wants played at his funeral. I have spent most of my afternoon and evening thinking of just that. What songs, what sentiments, would I want shared with my friends and family when I am gone. What words and thoughts do I want to leave with them.
So here it is, my list (with links). Five songs I want played at my funeral.
1) "Cold, Cold Rain" by Danzig
2) "Black Muddy River" by The Grateful Dead
3) "If I Have To Go" by Tom Waits
4) "Mortician's Lullaby" by Bronx Casket Company
5) "He Is" by Ghost
For those of you that know me, OF COURSE there had to be at least one song by Ghost on the list. I mean that is a given. From now until the big event, I think I will continue to romanticize death. It is part of life that always fascinated me. Maybe with time I will create a great funeral mix tape, something that can really shine. This isn't intended to be a sad post or anything of the sort, thinking about this actually brought me a lot of joy and gave my creativity a bit of a kick.
The other thing is, I know I didn't mention it before, I love making lists. I live for lists. I cannot get enough lists in my life. Every chance I have to make a list, I will. I limited myself to five to keep in theme with High Fidelity, but honestly I could have kept going and going and going. So before I start to ramble, I will call this entry closed.
Cheers,
Phil
A lot of those thoughts are childish fun or overly romanticized fantasy. Such as, in a nearby cemetery there is a hollow tree stump. When you look down upon the stump you can see a good ways down into the earth like an open shaft. I often joke that when I die, I want my bones cleaned and bleached to be placed into this hole. I want to be positioned in a way that looks like I am crawling out of the ground, mouth open hungry for flesh. There will also be LED lights inside the hole to complete the atmosphere.
At one point in time I used to fantasize about my life. Traveling the world, never settling down or meeting anyone. Eventually my life of leisure would lead me to become deathly ill. I would spend my last days in Venice with a dark haired prostitute. My last day, I would cough my last consumptive breath into a handkerchief while sitting with her at a marble fountain. She would give me a last kiss on my cheek and I would die in her arms.
Now, I bring all this up because I have been thinking about the movie High Fidelity, one of my favorite films. Now there is a scene where the characters are talking about music and death. First they come up with list, Top 5 Songs About Death. Eventually this turns into Rob's, John Cusack, 5 songs he wants played at his funeral. I have spent most of my afternoon and evening thinking of just that. What songs, what sentiments, would I want shared with my friends and family when I am gone. What words and thoughts do I want to leave with them.
So here it is, my list (with links). Five songs I want played at my funeral.
1) "Cold, Cold Rain" by Danzig
2) "Black Muddy River" by The Grateful Dead
3) "If I Have To Go" by Tom Waits
4) "Mortician's Lullaby" by Bronx Casket Company
5) "He Is" by Ghost
For those of you that know me, OF COURSE there had to be at least one song by Ghost on the list. I mean that is a given. From now until the big event, I think I will continue to romanticize death. It is part of life that always fascinated me. Maybe with time I will create a great funeral mix tape, something that can really shine. This isn't intended to be a sad post or anything of the sort, thinking about this actually brought me a lot of joy and gave my creativity a bit of a kick.
The other thing is, I know I didn't mention it before, I love making lists. I live for lists. I cannot get enough lists in my life. Every chance I have to make a list, I will. I limited myself to five to keep in theme with High Fidelity, but honestly I could have kept going and going and going. So before I start to ramble, I will call this entry closed.
Cheers,
Phil
Saturday, July 13, 2019
An Introduction
Good evening everyone,
My name is Phil and this is my new blog. My wife, Meghan, encouraged me to start a blog, as I haven't had a creative outlet in a very long time. I have been preoccupied with my health. That is what lead me here. There is no aim or direction to this blog, Meghan thinks I should use it as a way to express my love for my hobbies, share my ideas, create, and document my journey through cancer treatment. This isn't serious, I am here to have fun. I want to bring my view of movies, books, games, cooking, music to other like minded people, as a way I can have a platform to create.
I have been battling cancer for years and this marks my third year of chemo treatments. That being said, why start blogging now? Well, the answer is simple, today is my second birthday. A year ago I had a bone marrow transplant. For those of you that don't know about bone marrow transplants, let me explain. I was given a series of very toxic chemo infusions over the course of a week. These treatments completely brought my white cell count to zero, making me a blank slate. I was then infused with two bags of stem cells. Basically it is like being born again. I was weak, had no immunity, and my cell count was non existent. Now here I am, a year later, my cell count is next to normal and I am in remission.
I want this to be an introduction, not a list of things to expect or what I plan on doing. Let's begin with work. I have been working hard my entire life. I had my first part time job in middle school, working for $7 an hour, under the table, for a local knick-knack and flower shop. Since then I have held several jobs from bookseller for Border's Books to second chef for a private company to overnight auditor at hotel. I majored in English with a minor in creative writing. Shortly after college I went to culinary school where I earned my professional chef degree. I used to write and cook a lot, I took pride in everything I did. Then work became overwhelming and I started to fall ill. At the time we didn't know it was cancer, but it wore me down and I basically stopped cooking and writing altogether. Now that I am regaining my strength and treatment is finally nearing an end, I find myself out of work and yearning to write again, to cook more, to take chances in everything I do.
I am also a compulsive collector. Currently there are three major collections in my life. There is my ever growing board game collection (My Board Game Collection). It is out of control and may need some pruning. I love games and playing with anyone who will sit down with me. I also am cultivating a very fun collection of Disney Magic Bands. Yes, I am a Disney fanatic and that is OK. I have at least one magic band per Disney World park, a couple of ride specific ones, and a few special event ones. I hated the idea of magic bands, but now I am hopelessly hooked. I mean, seriously have you seen them? They are awesome! Finally, my last collection is Disney pins. I have been collecting Disney pins for 20 years now. I am always on the lookout for anything Haunted Mansion, vampire Mickey, or Indiana Jones related.
This blog is my new beginning. This is my way to reclaim what I used to be.
Thank you Meghan for taking such good care of me, especially during my lowest points and sickest days. Thank you for encouraging me to start again. And thank all of you for reading this long, self-absorbed introduction. I really hope you stay around and enjoy. Feel free to leave comments, to join in the discussion.
Cheers,
Phil
My name is Phil and this is my new blog. My wife, Meghan, encouraged me to start a blog, as I haven't had a creative outlet in a very long time. I have been preoccupied with my health. That is what lead me here. There is no aim or direction to this blog, Meghan thinks I should use it as a way to express my love for my hobbies, share my ideas, create, and document my journey through cancer treatment. This isn't serious, I am here to have fun. I want to bring my view of movies, books, games, cooking, music to other like minded people, as a way I can have a platform to create.
I have been battling cancer for years and this marks my third year of chemo treatments. That being said, why start blogging now? Well, the answer is simple, today is my second birthday. A year ago I had a bone marrow transplant. For those of you that don't know about bone marrow transplants, let me explain. I was given a series of very toxic chemo infusions over the course of a week. These treatments completely brought my white cell count to zero, making me a blank slate. I was then infused with two bags of stem cells. Basically it is like being born again. I was weak, had no immunity, and my cell count was non existent. Now here I am, a year later, my cell count is next to normal and I am in remission.
I want this to be an introduction, not a list of things to expect or what I plan on doing. Let's begin with work. I have been working hard my entire life. I had my first part time job in middle school, working for $7 an hour, under the table, for a local knick-knack and flower shop. Since then I have held several jobs from bookseller for Border's Books to second chef for a private company to overnight auditor at hotel. I majored in English with a minor in creative writing. Shortly after college I went to culinary school where I earned my professional chef degree. I used to write and cook a lot, I took pride in everything I did. Then work became overwhelming and I started to fall ill. At the time we didn't know it was cancer, but it wore me down and I basically stopped cooking and writing altogether. Now that I am regaining my strength and treatment is finally nearing an end, I find myself out of work and yearning to write again, to cook more, to take chances in everything I do.
 |
| 45th Anniversary Enchanted Tiki Room Band |
This blog is my new beginning. This is my way to reclaim what I used to be.
Thank you Meghan for taking such good care of me, especially during my lowest points and sickest days. Thank you for encouraging me to start again. And thank all of you for reading this long, self-absorbed introduction. I really hope you stay around and enjoy. Feel free to leave comments, to join in the discussion.
Cheers,
Phil
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